The Death of Originality

The older I get, the more I realize that confidence has very little to do with self-esteem and everything to do with self-acceptance. People think confidence comes from believing you’re beautiful, talented, successful, or intelligent. Believing that you are a higher level than the next person…

I don’t.

I think confidence comes from being willing to be yourself, even when yourself isn’t what’s popular.

And lately, that seems harder than ever. Everywhere you look, people are being encouraged to find themselves while simultaneously being told exactly who to be.

Dress like this.

Talk like this.

Think like this.

Use these phrases.

Follow these trends.

Listen to these people.

Have this aesthetic.

It’s gotten to the point where entire groups of people somehow end up with the same opinions, the same style, the same vocabulary, and the same personality traits. Everyone is trying so hard to stand out that they end up looking exactly alike and What throws me the most is that many people don’t even realize it’s happening.

Somewhere along the way, individuality became confused with branding. Instead of asking, “Who am I?” people started asking, “What version of myself will get the most approval?” These are two very different questions.

One leads to self-discovery.

The other leads to performance.

And performance is exhausting…. And gives me second hand embarrassment but I digress…

I personally think when you spend time performing to get the audience to engage, you are wasting productivity time.

The truth is, most people aren’t afraid of being themselves. They’re afraid of the consequences that come with it. They’re afraid people won’t understand them. They’re afraid they’ll be judged. They’re afraid they’ll lose followers, friends, opportunities, or approval.

So they soften their opinions.

They hide their interests.

They abandon the things that make them unique in exchange for fitting in, in exchange for instant gratification. The problem is that fitting in has never been a reliable path to confidence because confidence built on approval requires constant maintenance.

You become dependent on other people agreeing with you, liking you, validating you, and reassuring you that you’re acceptable. The moment that approval disappears, so does your confidence. You slowly begin to chip away at your foundation. The things that make you you begin to fade as you adapt traits that don’t belong to you.

Real confidence is different.

Real confidence is being able to walk into a room and know that not everyone is going to like you.

It’s understanding that some people will misunderstand you. Some will disagree with you.

Some will simply not be your audience and being okay with that. Confidence is consistently showing up as yourself even when the standards and norms change.

I’ve noticed that the most interesting people I’ve ever met share one thing in common.

They are individuals, not because they were trying to be different, but because they genuinely are. They have opinions they’ve actually thought about. They have interests that weren’t selected by an algorithm.

They make choices based on what they enjoy, not what performs well.

They’re comfortable being themselves even when nobody is clapping.

That kind of person is becoming increasingly rare.

Maybe because we’ve become addicted to being perceived, engaged with and validated.

Everything is public now.

Every outfit can be evaluated.

Every opinion can be debated.

Every decision can be observed.

It’s hard to develop a sense of self when you’re constantly looking over your shoulder to see how everyone else is reacting. At some point, you have to stop asking the world who you should be. You have to decide. You have to trust your own taste, your own instincts and your own judgment.

You have to be willing to disappoint people, be willing to be misunderstood and be willing to stand alone occasionally.

That’s the price of individuality.

But it’s also the reward.

Because once you stop chasing approval, something interesting happens. You become harder to manipulate, pressure, and influence.

You become more secure.

Not because everyone likes you.

But because you’ve finally decided that you like yourself.

And in a world full of copies, there is still something incredibly powerful about being an original.

-— Asia